I am who I am...

So this post has been inspired by my Dear Brother… He dared me to post on my blog all my little quirks or as he likes to call it my little OCD tendencies…

I had already posted a few of them in a post called "My Quirky Quirks" . I didn’t put all of them out there the first time but because I have been dared, I’ve decided to list them all…

OCD stands for "obsessive compulsive disorders". They are pretty hard to break and some of them are difficult to recognize as well. Many people suffer from some kind of compulsivity, but most of them don’t have the disorder to the point that it interferes with their day-to-day life.

The one main obsession I have , and which I try to keep under control is my obsession with germs:

-         I have trouble pushing buttons for example. I will always find some clothes or paper to come between me and the button that has been touched by hundreds of people.

-          I will never eat a piece of cake where someone blowed candles on

-          I won’t drink from a bottle where another person has already drank

-          I use bacterial gel at least 20 times a day on my hands, or I’ll pour some on some clean tissues to clean my phone, my keyboard, the inside of my car, anything that I’ll be touching

-          If I’m in a room with someone sick, I’ll keep a tab on everything that this person has touched

All and all, it can seem funny to some people, but the truth is that this obsession can take over your life pretty fast. I try to be less obsessive, sometimes I win, sometimes the obsession is stronger.

Also, I like order: 

-          I never leave home before my house is perfectly neat

-          I re-arrange the dishes and cups in the dishwasher when Other Half or our guests try to help   me

 

-          I’m THE QUEEN of organizing! (Clothes in my closet are sorted by shirts - long and short sleeved- then organized in colors, underwear is also sorted by color, socks are in rows again by colour, the blouses hanging in the closet are by color again and length, then the skirts and pants are by length and color, sweaters are folder by thickness and color)

-          I don’t like when my Other Half takes care of hanging our wet clothes – I’ve got my own system

Long story short: I am an extremely organized person, everything has a place, and should stay in that place.

And then, there are stuff that I don’t understand myself but then happen anyway:

-          I can’t stand someone getting in bed with socks

-          I need everything to be in an even number (if I only have 1, I’ll split it in 2)

-          I need all doors to be closed before I go to bed, I don’t look at mirror in the night, and if I have to go pee when everyone is asleep, I’ll wake up our dog so she’ll come with me (I know these stuff is so wrong!!!)

Well now you know everything, If you ask my Other Half, he will probably add a few more quirks, but the truth is I don’t even notice my mannerism anymore. I have been this way as far as I can remember and I have been lucky to have friends and family that accept me the way I am…

Letter to Arthur

Dear Arthur,

Yesterday at dinner time, you saw me give Morgane more peaches to go with her sausages. I asked, "Does anyone else want more peaches?" You didn't respond so I put the peaches away. Not 5 seconds later, you were whining, "I want more peaches".

You do this to me EVERY SINGLE DAY. Why do you always decide you want seconds on something the minute I put it away?! I'm over it. From now on, I'm making one single announcement..."If anyone wants seconds, speak now or forever hold your peace". If there is silence, I will take that as confirmation that it is finally time for me to sit on my backside and take a break.

Love,

Mom

In case you ask, yes the image above is a joke - wouldn't want the men's union to send me angry notes :o)

Dear Weird Creepy Dude at Ex Libris…

I have no clue who you are, though you seem to think you know who I am. The first time our eyes met, you smiled at me and I smiled back. It was an act of kindness or more like an automatic response on my part, that's all it was. As I continued looking  through a couple of books I was considering buying, I felt like I was being stared at. I looked up and there you were again, staring at me with that creepy-weirdo smile on your face. I started thinking that maybe you had X-ray vision that could see that I was wearing my hot underwear ...

I moved to another part of the library at that point because, to be honest, you were really starting to freak me out. That's when I noticed you were still following me. I tried to convince myself that maybe you just had the same interests as me and that's why you followed me to the cooking section.

Apparently, you thought I was your high-school crush, Lia Vho. Sure, it had been about 15 years since you had last seen Lia but you were pretty darn confident that I was Lia! Let me tell you that I am not Lia Vho, nor have I ever heard of Lia Vho. Nope, I swear I’m not lying to you. I'm sorry that I look "exactly like Lia Vho" and I'm sorry that somehow seeing me, even though I'm not Lia Vho, has brought back some painful memories for you. I'm sorry that Lia Vho always refused to go on a date with you. I'm sorry she broke your heart. Honestly, I am not Lia Vho trying to pretend to be someone else...I would show you my ID to prove it to you but I'm paranoid that you’ll remember my address and hunt me down and then next thing I know I'll be stuck in a deep hole in the ground with you screaming down to me "Put the fucking lotion in the basket". I don't think I'd be so lucky as to have Clarice Starling come to my rescue.

I'm a total stranger...Dude,do you really need to be telling me all this? Dude, you need help! I honestly think you think I'm Lia Vho…in the "psych world", this is what we call "transference". You might want to discuss this with your schrink next time you go in for a medication evaluation. You might even want to mention that you need an increase in your anti-psychotic meds.

Ever heard of Facebook? Twitter? Those are really good ways of finding the real Lia Vho, instead of stalking some innocent, unsuspecting woman who's just trying to buy a couple books during her lunch break. Although I suspect that if Lia Vho were smart, she'd probably have moved as far away as she can from where you are after high school (and most probably has all her profiles listed as "private").

For the next time you want to stalk a woman, a better way to have handled this in order to avoid completely freaking her out, you should just walk over casually (without the whole creepy smile thing going on) and simply ask "Hey, you look like a friend of mine from high school...any chance you're Lia Vho?". If she isn’t, I suspect she’ll just smile politely and say, "No, I'm sorry, I'm not...but have a nice day". That’s the moment you should walk away...end of story. It doesn’t need to turn into a therapy session for you where you try to cleanse your soul.

On that note, wishing you the best of luck in the future (and lots of psych evaluations and medications)....

Best,

The Girl You Freaked out…

I have a secret…

I‘ve never admitted this before…

But with most of my friends going on vacation, I have no choice but to let the world know… I wished no one would ever know, but I feel like my back will soon be against the wall. But if you come on my blog regularly, you  will have certainly noticed that I try to keep things real.

I asked myself several times if it would be a good idea for me to be posting this on my blog. Because once it’s out there, there is no turning back…

Yet, I have decided to come clean…

I – AM – A- MURDERER!!!!

The first time was an accident. I swear it on what’s most precious to me…

But the second time, and the third time, and the fourth….well, the ALL the other times, I kind of knew it was going to happen but I did nothing to stop myself.

There was always this awkward little voice in my head each time, telling me that what I was doing was wrong and to stop immediately. To seek for some help.

People trusted me. People closest to me have no idea that I keep this horrid secret.

Now I’m not one of these murderers that take photos of their victims as trophy. But if I did, they would have been something like these unfortunate souls…

So now, you have been warned… I’m a good friend, but I have weird tendencies sometimes…

How to survive Summer Break with kids....

Summer break has officially begun people!

This is what I call a serious "fight or flight" situation.  Therefore there can be 2 reactions: I can either lock myself in the bathroom, curled up in the fetal position while sobbing hysterically OR I can suck it up and make the best of it.

Since having a complete meltdown doesn't work well with the spawn (it makes them think they're in total control), I have no choice but to make the best of a “horrible” situation.

 So here are some of my best tips for surviving Summer Break with your spawn....

a)  Chances are that the kids had some type of celebration at school the Friday before break began.  You know, the one when the teachers shipped your kids home to you with a shit load of candies, as they smiled and waved a friendly goodbye to their “adorable” students? 

Never mind that the director and teachers were all high-5'ing each other and giggling hysterically as the last student left school, because that's when the REAL party began as they popped open the Champagne and played a nasty adult version of Twister. (yeah no worries my mind goes in weird places sometimes!)

And if you are like me, you hid that bag of candies the second upon returning home, right?

So, the morning that you are home with the kids at approximately 8:00 am, break out the candy my dear friends!!!!.  This will buy you enough time to perhaps shower and eat breakfast and have you well deserved coffee.  It'll take the spawn roughly 30 minutes to consume all the candy and then what will follow will be what I like to refer to as "the sugar coma".

The sugar coma lasts for about 25 minutes and 45 seconds.  Enjoy it.  Have that 2nd cup of coffee.  Oh yeah, You'll need it.

b) Have plenty of activities planned that you can casually mention every time they misbehave.  Like, going to the movies, have a picnic at the park, Euro Disney!

Try this..."Uh kids, if you  keep bickering, I'm afraid we won't be able to go to the movies".....or play at the park,  poke the dog, whatever.  Make it sound like they're really missing out on something good.

c)  Actually, have plenty of activities planned for real....or else,  you will get your ass kicked and handed back to you on a silver platter by those same spawn.

Some activities to do: 

·         Go to a water park

·         Open the front and back doors and tell them to run around the house, in and out, quickly 10 times (be sure to lock both doors on the 5th round, while they're still outside...that's KEY)

·         Go on a treasure hunt (and tell them they can't come back until they find Mommy's sanity)

·         Walk around a market while eating free samples (what I like to call "the poor man's lunch")

·         Take them to the gym with you and let your trainer beat them into submission while you enjoy a strenuous stroll on the treadmill

·         Cook with them (try not to lose your mind while repeatedly warning "don't eat the raw meat or you'll die of salmonella poisoning")

 Some activities they will find more enjoyable: 

·         Smelling each other's asses to see whose smells the worst

·         Jumping into the humongous pile of clean laundry you just sorted or the bed that you have just made for the 50^th time!

·         Hiding your beloved bottle of wine

·         Screaming so loudly that the neighbors have considered calling the copsat least 3 times in the last hour

·         Digging up their boogers

·         Frightening the family dog so badly that she refuses to leave your bedroom where the only door we have is for days

·         Telling their grandparents how mom and dad are being rude to them, believe their grandchildren are the most precious and sweetest children alive

d) Be okay with the fact that they will probably not brush their teeth, change their underwear for 2 whole months if you did not insist on it.  Maybe OK for some you guys – but not for me… I’m trying, but my OCD keeps kicking in.

e) Stock up the wine.  Have your anti-depressant prescription refilled early.  And be sure to have plenty of chocolate, ice cream, cookies (hell, whatever your necessary evil is!) on hand to enjoy during those moments when you begin to think that coming back as an White-faced Saki Monkey  in your next life sounds like a darn good plan.

WARNING: if you are having these thoughts, this is a sign that you are dangerously close to completely losing your mind.  In fact, you might want to have the local psych ward on speed dial, just in case.

f) Go ahead and let your neighbors, who don't have spawn living at home know  that it's Summer Break.  Apologize ahead of time for making their lives miserable for the next coming weeks.

While you are busy doing this, go ahead and give them your most recent picture so they can be sure to share it with the news reporters and local police when you go missing, after finally having followed through with that threat you're constantly making, "If you all don't calm down and find something to do, I'm gonna throw myself into an oncoming traffic".

g) Realize that Summer Break only happens ONCE A YEAR...thank you Lord

h) Last but not least, count down the days on the calendar until the spawn return to school , give yourself permission to do nothing else but sit on the sofa and stare at the wall come that day.

Or you can spend your quiet time googling "possibilities to grow back brain cells after having been subjected to extremely loud noises, God-awful smells and horrendous sights for 60 days straight?" and "What will happen to me if I ever lose my sense of humor?"

Pick your poison and Enjoy the holidays!!!!

But don’t forget kids grow fast – and before you know it, they won’t need you anymore, so cherish all of this moments because life with kids isn’t so bad after all :o)

Weird thoughts this morning...

In an average day, a six years old child will ask 437 questions (so for me, that's 874 questions for a  day....that makes my brain hurt)

For me, questions started at 7 am this morning!!!

Banging your head off a wall uses 150 calories an hour (great good to know!!!! Coz after being asked 874 questions each day, I WILL be banging my head off a wall but at least my butt will get smaller at the same time)

Oh and add to that a jug of coffee and I'll be just fine!

Please just go the “F” to sleep…

Okay, I'll admit it...I still let Morgane sleep in our bed. Well, I don’t exactly that I "let" her...She climbs into our bed in the middle of the night and I don't really bother to get up to take her back to her bed. Truth be told, there have been nights where she does wake me up and says "Mummy, I can't find my doudou" and I actually get up out of my warm, cozy bed to go to her room to search for her doudou. This happened a few nights ago...she got in bed with me at 4:30 am and she laid her head on my shoulder and said "Mommy, I can't find my doudou" and I said "oh Morgane, can't you just go to sleep for the next 3 hours without it" and of course she said "nooo", pretty much on the verge of tears. So I got off to her room, searching for that damn comforter and I can't find it anywhere. I go back to my room and tell her "honey, I can't find your doudou...you'll just have to get back to sleep without it". Then I can see in the dimness of the lights that she actually has her doudou, as she proudly announces " found it...It was mixed in with my blankie". Yup, she drags the whole bed with her when she comes into my room....her  blanket, her Winnie the Pooh and Hello Kitty pillow, as if she feels like if she has a preference for one over the other, that Hello Kitty or Winnie the Pooh may feel like they got axed), her little doudou (this is the one she can never seem to find that she sends me searching for). Oh and her damn 2 pacifiers!!!...yes, let's not forget the damn pacifiers!!! These 2 pacifiers that she refused to give to the Paci-Fairy....I don't think Marry Poppins could convince Morgane to give up these pacifiers. No amount of sexy British accent or promise of fabulous gifts in return for the pacifiers could ever work!!!
I laugh really hard when people tell me "Have you ever seen a kid go off to college with a pacifier? have you? ..So don't sweat it".....Morgane will be the first one to challenge that saying...I bet my money on that!....
Just like this other saying "God does not give you more than you can handle", which I also laugh hard at  when I hear (and then I go fetch myself a nice glass of red wine)....because obviously God does give you more than you can handle (or maybe it's just me and I'm just His test subject).
So back to the whole doudou dilemma...Here I am at  4:30 am in the morning , tiredly wandering the stairs, the living room, and her room to look for (as I now lovingly refer to it as ) this f"ing doudou.
I  JUST realize how screwed I am. The penny finally drops and I’m smacked with reality, right there in the darkness of my own home. My 3 years old daughter has me so tightly wound around her finger that it's actually funny...well, no not really funny as in "haha" kinda funny but funny in the sense that I now realize I'm digging a very deep hole for myself and there's no way out except to use tough love.
And by tough love, I meant, I'm gonna have to start walking her back to her room and make her stay in there. Let's talk about the reasons why I haven't done that so far.....there are 2 of them...Arthur AND Morgane. WHEN Morgane cries when I send her packing back to her room, she'll wake the whole damn neighbourhood up. I guess I'm picking the lesser of 2 evils, if you will. I'd rather be dealing with 1 child who wants to continue sleeping in bed with me (even if it costs me much needed sleep) than deal with 1 crying, grumpy kid in the middle of the night. Morgane is NOT a kid you want to deal with.

Every night when I say goodnight to Morgane, I say "now you're going stay in your room because you're a big girl, alright? And Arthur would be lonely if you left him by himself". I used to say "Hello Kitty will be lonely if you left her" but then she started dragging her effing Hello Kitty pillow along with her to my bed so I stopped saying that, figuring she can't drag Arthur to my bed (well, she probably would if she could....she's definitely the boss in their relationship...she has been the source of many of his time-outs...but she earns a time-out right along with him, as she says "Mommy, but it was Arthur who jumped off the kitchen table, not me" and I say "yes, well, you're the one who told him to do it so you get a time out too". ) Why can I be tough with her in those situations but not at 4:30 am?!

Yeah, so every night we have this conversation about how she's going to stay in her bed because she's a big girl and Arthur would be lonely if he were to wake up and see she's not there and blah, and blah, and blah....she just smiles, hugs me and says "okay, Mummy" and then as I'm walking out her door, I hear her quietly say "see you in the middle of the night". SHIT!!!!

I know it's going be the battle of all battles with this child when it comes to this issue because realistically she'll still be sharing a bed with me when she's 18 yrs old if I don't put a stop to it. But I just do not want to deal with it now. But I need my sleep, dammit!  And I know I can't be the only parent dealing with this situation....the thought of another 3 yr old child climbing in her parent's bed gives me great pleasure because then I realize I am not alone. That's how I give myself permission to believe that it's okay to do this, just for now…
Good Lord, why doesn't anyone tell you how difficult parenting is?! I know I'll be the main reason my kids end up on some therapist's sofa someday in the future, crying about the woes of their childhood. Well, maybe Other Half will share that responsibility as well because Lord knows he's not earning the "Parent of the Year" award either. I guess that'll go to Angelina Jolie this year because he makes parenting look so easy.

I realize this is a mega long post, much longer than I intended it to be actually. But once I'm on a roll, I'm on a roll....tough love with Morgane will come later. For now, she wins the battle. And she knows it.

And now, I wanted to share with you the video below… I really need to get that book and read it to my kids….

Good night kids... I love you!!!

Me (as I'm tucking them into bed a few nights ago) : I love you Arthur!

Arthur: I love you too.

Me: How much?

Arthur: Very much!

Me: Morgane, I love you.

Morgane: I love you too....very much!!!!

Me: I love you both to the moon and back. Then 10 times around the earth and back.

Arthur: I love you 200 times around the earth and back.

Morgane: I love you to the front door and back.

Me: Only to the front door?

Morgane: Well, I guess I could love you all the way to school but you'll have to pack me a snack if you want me to come back. That's a really long walk, Mummy.