HOORAY... It's Christmas soon!

So let me share my thoughts for Christmas Eve and the following days:

I intend to make the most of the special days ahead. I want to enjoy every second that I have with my husband, kids, and the rest of the family and friends. Too often during the course of the year, we forget what the real priorities are and focus on the superficial.

The last couple of months made me realize how precious life is and how much I am thankful to still have many people that I love around me.

I have embraced the chaos that sometimes shows up in my life, because now I realize that with chaos comes hope and second chances.

The chance to tell my kids that it’s ok to fail at times as long as you keep on trying and that no matter what you will love them above all, the chance to be a better wife, the chance to show your parents that you are grateful for all the support and love they give you, the chance to tell your best friend that her kindness and wise words mean  the world to you, the chance to tell your big brother that you will always need him in your life even if you are now a grown up too, a chance to be a better Christian and live by the principles that you are teaching your children, a chance to give back the same blessings that you receive all year long…

It’s also a second chance to let go of all bitterness and to forgive and really forget… I just want to be able to look back one day and smile on God’s work in my life.

Christmas is a time to rejoice, count our blessing, and show everyone that we love how much we care about them.

Merry Christmas to all and may the year ahead bring you peace, love, a good health, and all God’s blessings…

My heart breaks…. PLEASE HELP…

My heart is crying and I will probably not find the right words to say how profoundly sad I am for the Philippines (my home country). The typhoon that struck Mindanao over last week has killed many and left almost a thousand homeless…

I am very thankful that my family  and I are safe here in Belgium and some others in different parts of the world. My heart and my prayers go to my fellow Filipinos who are really going through a tough time. It is even harder when you think than in less than a week it will be Christmas, a time to rejoice and have hope…

I feel powerless but will still try to do something about it, so here is the link to the redcross of Philippines:

http://www.redcross.org.ph/donate

A simple gesture even the smallest one might give a child, a family, a little bit of comfort. 

Many of us are complaining that we do not have all the we want in our lives, and shame to me, I do that too from time to time. But this whole situation puts everything into perspective. I have been blessed with so much, it is time for me to give back… It’s the least I can do…

Will you do the same too?

I am so Happy!!!

Just as I was pressing the button « publish post » for the last one, I got a text from My Dear Brother telling me he’s getting out of the hospital this afternoon!!!!

Oh My God! Oh My God! Oh My God! I am SO SO SO HAPPY!!!

So now I can be my normal self again and just start annoying him again!!! OK, OK, I’ll be good for a while (just enough time for him to fully recover), then this is what I’ll tell him:  

I AM SO HAPPY I COULD PEE IN MY PANTS!!! SERIOUSLY !!!!

Brighter days are finally ahead…

Some of you may have noticed that I’ve been MIA (aka Missing in Action) lately. The reason for this is that My Dear Brother had caught a very serious case of pneumonia and has been in the hospital for the last 3 weeks and for the 2 first ones the doctors had to induced an artificial coma to help him breath as he could not do it on his own anymore.

Suffice to say, I was scared and worried sick so all I could do was to try to keep myself sane and not go into desperate mode all that time. All I could do is visit him twice a day for an hour and keep on praying that the Lord would hear me and give my Dear Brother back to me… The doctors wear really not positive about the outcomes and they were really surprised of how fast My Dear Brother recovered. I’ll  hang on to my Faith and firmly believe that My Dear Brother’s strength to fight on his illness even if he was in a coma and the power of all our closes’ ones prayers has helped his speedy recovery.

I am so grateful to have him back. It is the worst feeling to see the one who always had your back be in such bad shape, lying in a bed with a tube in his mouth and feeling powerless against all the situation… Thinking about it just now just brings back the tears in my eyes and would never wish this situation even to my worst enemy…

So to you My Dear Brother:  I love you so much and I can’t wait for you to get out of the hospital… I know you are complaining that you want to go home but honestly I would rather see  you stay at the hospital  as much days as the doctors think necessary than to see you again in such horrible state.

Don’t forget the promise we made to each other when we were younger: that when your Better Half and my Other Half would grow tired of us and leave us, we would live together like old hags in a house and laugh together of all the joyful and crazy memories we would have had together back in the old days…

You like scaring me but this one was no fun, no one could comfort me from the sadness and loneliness I felt while you were asleep, not the kids, not my husband, not mom and dad. I will always need you…  I turned to God and He kept me going but the sound of you voice when you woke up was the best gift you gave me and your niece for her birthday…

So for those of you who have no clue about who is this Dear Brother I am talking about, hereunder is a repost from last March…

***

Sometimes we look in all the wrong places and to all the wrong people to get the support we need. It's taken me a while to learn that friendship can be found closer than you think, even in your own home. Growing up, I realized quiet fast that I had a great friend in my brother. Besides the biological connection we share, there's the common ground and shared history that has kept my brother and me bonded.

There is nothing in this world that I would not do for him. I trust him with everything I have, and everything I am. I believe that he know this... and that he has known this for a long time.

We had—and still have—a strong bond. My pain or heartache never needed a context or an explanation. That is a feeling I experience so rarely in my life these days—feeling completely understood without even speaking. More often than not, my path feels lonely. But I've realized that discovering my own aloneness is even more of a reason to cherish a sibling I can relate to and confide in. Sometimes that is all one has, and it can be a most precious and enduring resource.

He has always been such a wonderful protective and supportive person to me... He has been with me and been there for me all through the years. He was there for me when I fell in love, in pain, in confusion. He has more faith in me than I have ever had in myself... and I am endlessly grateful for that. He has provided me with an anchor of support, if not always sanity.

I count myself among the luckiest souls in the universe for having him in my life.

Dear Brother (9 years old) and me (2 years old)

Him and I during our first trip to the US

Us now... Still kids at heart...

Thank you KUYA for being here for me.

I have loved that over the years, you were always the person I could turn to. I felt I was able to talk and share anything with you, we are that close. And that has meant the world to me. I can only pray that my kids will be able to experience the same bond that you and I have, knowing that no matter what, they will always have each other… Often, we pretend to bicker but the truth is that I am glad that you are never far away…

I LOVE YOU! YOU OLD HAG!!!

Looking forward to….

… A week-end where we are all together. I’m can’t wait for my week-end to start. The weather is quiet promising and Other Half will be with us for a whole 2 days.

As some of you know, Other Half is a policeman, which means he sometimes has to work on week-ends. I don’t mind being alone with the kids on weekdays as time flies fast with school, bath, homework, preparing dinner, and cleaning up, but week-ends are different.

It's always so much more fun when Other Half is is around.

Proof?: When Other Half is absent, the kids keep on asking several times a day when Daddy will be home to the point that when they are upset they would cry hard and keep on asking for him. I pretty much do the same thing, but my pity party involves a tub of Nutella and a bag of chips to follow. 

On top of having Other Half around, I’ll be spending my Sunday morning with my best friend. I’ll be taking her to a Zumba class, I’m not sure that she’ll survive it but then again, I’m not sure I will either… Then Sunday afternoon, I have invited a nice family to have lunch with us, which means my house will be full of joy and laughter, and that’s all I need for now…

That’s why I’m so excited that we'll all be together as we did not have the chance to be with Other Half last week. Reunited and it feels so good.... [insert cough here] Sorry, didn't mean to break into a song there.

Anyway, I hope you’ll all have a fabulous week-end filled with good laughs, love,  great food, and sweet friends…

I am doing my official "Coming Out"…

... So I might be losing a few friends (and readers) or maybe they weren’t friends to begin with…

I turned 30 last January and since then, I have been taking time to focus on what is most important in my life at this stage and to sort through/ eliminate what is not. Over the last year, I’ve experienced some soul-shaking, deep change. Change is always an ongoing process, but as I look back I can see the ones that are now definite. My values have changed. My habits are changing. What I need is still relatively the same but I can just see those needs clearer. My wants (the true and deep ones) are coming into focus, too.

I’m a Christian. So there you have it…  Most of the people who know me knew about this part of me but for the others that didn’t it is sometimes hard for them to understand and my behaviour in my past didn't help...

So this is my official coming out…                                  

I want this blog to represent me, and to do so I need to be honest and take responsibility for ALL that I am…

So today, this post is as a challenge to myself.

A challenge - to show the real me.

A challenge - to change and become as day passes a better person, a better mom, a better wife, a better friend.

A challenge - to be truly honest with myself.

A challenge -  to stop hiding a part of me another minute longer.

Why didn’t I do this before? Simply, because I didn’t know better. I didn’t know that there was already someone loving me unconditionally, that this person was the Lord. I’ve suffered enough. All the loneliness, the pain, the eating disorder, and the anger… I tried compensating by doing drugs and having a promiscuous life. I ‘m not proud of it, I wish I could erase it all but I can’t. But I know one thing; turning to God has changes my life and most probably has saved it too.

I forgave myself for the mistakes I had done and learned to be happy and not be driven to go to dark places. Other Half and my kids are also a big part of this shift in my life. It’s been a long journey but I’m finally starting to feel at peace and simply content and happy…

By reading these few paragraphs, many will be thinking: “Wow, Church has found a good candidate here to brainwash!”

A lot of non-believers think that Christians only believe in God because they are scared to spend eternity in hell. They’ll think that Church uses the weaknesses in people and hell as real scare tactics to gain more followers.

While I am sure that there are some churches and individuals who use these methods as a scare tactic, I very much disagree with this way of thinking. 

Do I believe in hell? Oh yes. But I have no idea what it’ll be like aside from the fact that it is a place void of God, and where spirit are eternally tormented AND THAT  IS THE #1 reason I do not want to be in hell.

I believe in God because, with Him, there is a hope, there is a true promise of happiness. And so because I believe in hell, I also believe in heaven – and there is where I want to be when my life on earth is over…

I want to go there because I love God and I want to be close to Him, and never feel pain ever again… Of course there are other reason, I want to be amongst other Christians, people I read of, people who managed to changed so many lives and inspire people to be happy and enjoy life at the fullest. I want to experience being with people fully at peace and be one of them.

There have been a few instances in my life where I really believe that I have been in the presence of God, and there is nothing like it. Never have I felt so humbled, so inadequate, yet so LOVED. All my sins washed away and forgiven. Filled with such emotions that my body automatically gives out from under me; where I kneel and bow. These very moments were the moments where  I felt safe and comforted.  

Do I know that I will go to heaven? Yes. I am confident that I will go to heaven. And I am not being arrogant or presumptuous here — I know that God loves me, sent His only Son to die on the cross for me, that by His grace I am saved, and that I will enter heaven when my life on earth is over.

I am not afraid to die.

The only fear I have about the afterlife is that my loved ones will not be in heaven with me. And this is the reason I’m putting my faith out there and try to share my secret to happiness and peace, especially to those who are important in my life. Because I cannot imagine spending the next life without my children, my Other Half, my family and my dearest friends.

I know that many will read this and think that I am completely delusional. It’s OK. All I know is that I am confident in my faith, and that I want to share my faith with others because I want them to experience this same joy.  

And yes, I am trying to raise my children in the same faith and although my Other Half doesn’t share my Faith, I am thankful to him for keeping an open mind.

I pray that by raising my kids with my faith, that they will grow to love Christ just as I do

My pastor once said that as a Christian parent it is my 1st jobs to make sure that his children will never know a day when they did not feel loved by God. And that is precisely what I hope to do.

I want my children to know that no matter what they do, no watter who they become, they are already loved and hopefully, they won’t experience the same pain I went through before finding peace in the Lord…

Thank you for reading…

PS: I took off the option to post a comment on this post because as much as I receive kind notes I also unfortunately receive some that are nasty when it comes to my faith. I accept the people who don’t believe in God as it is not my place to judge, but I ask that you don’t judge me either and if my blog post are so difficult for you to read, you have the choice not to visit anymore… But anyway, I hope you find happiness wherever it is for you…

If you need something to cheer you up....

... Listen to this

Oh, her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they're not shining

Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day

Yeah, I know, I know, when I compliment her she won't believe me

And it's so, it's so, sad to think that she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look ok, I say

When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change

Because you're amazing, just the way you are

And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while

Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are

Her lips, her lips, I could kiss them all day if she let me

Her laugh, her laugh, she hates but I think it's so sexy

She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day

Oh, you know, you know, you know, I'd never ask you to change

If perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same

So, don't even bother asking if you look ok

You know I'll say

When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change

Because you're amazing, just the way you are

And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while

Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are

The way you are, the way you are

Girl you're amazing, just the way you are

When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change

Because you're amazing, just the way you are

And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while

Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are. Yeah

I'm Glad I Have You...

Best friends know the little things about you.

Like your quirky quirks and yet decide that she’ll be your friend no matter what.

I have a best friend like this.

And I love her.

 

You are one of the kindest, best people I know.

You are an amazing Mommy.

You are an example of strength.

You give me confidence.

You make me feel loved.

You make me feel special.

You are the best listener.

You are truly beautiful.

And I am grateful for your friendship.

And because you are one of the few people who understands my sense of humour, I'll add this:

A friend is like a good bra: hard to find, comfortable, supportive, always lifts you up, makes you look better, never lets you down or leaves you hanging, and always close to your heart.

Touched...

Today while I was driving to work, I received a Daffodil Bouquet from this young beggar who is always on the same spot every morning…

I usually give him a couple of euros, but this morning as he was coming towards me, my side window stayed closed. I tried to make him understand that I had no change. He insisted that I open my window; I told him that I was sorry that I had nothing to hand him today. He was really nice and told me that this time he was the one who wanted to give me something, and that’s when he handed me the bouquet… He told me he wanted to thank me for my kindness every morning…

I was really touched, I mean I never expected this... Some of my friends think it’s stupid to give gypsies money, some people I know think they are thieves… They are probably right, some surely are, but who am I to judge? I do not know their lives but I know mine… A couple of euro given will not stop me from having food on my plate. A kind word will not harm anyone…

Today, I’m really happy because, I made a connection with a total stranger. Almost every morning I give him some change and each time we exchange the same words… I know it’s the same conversation he has with each people who give him a little something, but today it was different, today I broke that wall he has, and I met a very nice man…

They say a gesture can change someone’s life. Today he changed mine. I always thought I was the one doing something nice for someone. But today, I was in need of kindness, and he was the one who showed me compassion… He doesn’t know it, but my day is a bit brighter because of him…

Happy Birthday "My Dear Brother"!!!

Sometimes we look in all the wrong places and to all the wrong people to get the support we need. It's taken me a while to learn that friendship can be found closer than you think, even in your own home. Growing up, I realized quiet fast that I had a great friend in my brother. Besides the biological connection we share, there's the common ground and shared history that has kept my brother and me bonded.

There is nothing in this world that I would not do for him. I trust him with everything I have, and everything I am. I believe that he know this... and that he has known this for a long time.

We had—and still have—a strong bond. My pain or heartache never needed a context or an explanation. That is a feeling I experience so rarely in my life these days—feeling completely understood without even speaking. More often than not, my path feels lonely. But I've realized that discovering my own aloneness is even more of a reason to cherish a sibling I can relate to and confide in. Sometimes that is all one has, and it can be a most precious and enduring resource.

He has always been such a wonderful protective and supportive person to me... He has been with me and been there for me all through the years. He was there for me when I fell in love, in pain, in confusion. He has more faith in me than I have ever had in myself... and I am endlessly grateful for that. He has  provided me with an anchor of support, if not always sanity.

I count myself among the luckiest souls in the universe for having him in my life.

Dear Brother (9 years old) and me (2 years old)

Him and I during our first trip to the US

Us now... Still kids at heart...

Thank you KUYA for being here for me.

I have loved that over the years, you were always the person I could turn to. I felt I was able to talk and share anything with you, we are that close. And that has meant the world to me. I can only pray that my kids will be able to experience the same bond that you and I have, knowing that no matter what, they will always have each other… Often, we pretend to bicker but the truth is that I am glad that you are never far away…

I LOVE YOU! YOU OLD HAG!!!



Blogiversary...

Today  marks my first month of  blogging! I never thought a month  ago that I would end up writing a least a post a day.

1162 visitors in a month! I am speechless. I am literally without speech. OK, some people have 10000 visitors but having already 1 would have been great for me, so this is really a nice suprise...

My blog is my happy place. My blog is my comforter. My blog is my own little piece of internet paradise I go here to say anything and everything.

I go here to make people giggle, snort and laugh with me.

I go here with my silly ideas on without the fear of being judged or being laughed at. Okay fine, sometimes you (especially you, dear brother) laugh at a me. But that's coming from a place of love and goodness. Right?

I go here because otherwise I might just go carzy. Working mom plus 2 kids plus sleep deprivation plus tones of coffee equals a cuckoo girl sometimes.

I go here to voice out my fears and my worries. I go here because I love the sound of my own voice. Again, dear brother: Shhhh!

I hope you keep coming back, for as long as I have crazy stories to tell! Oh another thing, I'm glad I have all these visitors, now if I could have you post some comments that would be nice :o) Promise, I don't bite!

It takes a village and a lot of Love..

So today, I was chatting with my friend Tegan.

Tegan is an artist but she is also a stay-at-home mom to 2 adorable kids.  She has been my friend for 9 years. We laughed, cried, and went crazy together… She marveled that I could manage working, parenting, marriage and exercising… She asked me if I was happy and proud about my life… With no hesitation I said yes… She also confessed that she sometimes envy me…

But the truth is, I don’t really do it alone, and I definitely don’t have it together! If anyone could see my house right now, I guarantee that this person would think WW III just happened in it. My saving grace is having a wonderful other half and a "super mania"c cleaning lady that comes every Thursday! So if you want to come over, come tomorrow :o) I have no clue how to do it all, I just try to do my best…

In fact other half thinks that I try to hard sometimes that I should lay back and relax… Basically I like my house clean and my kids bacterial free :o) So every evening I’ll try to prepare the kids’ backpack and clothes for school the next day, I also do the dishes even if it’s late because I just hate waking and entering a kitchen where I can’t even find a clean spoon etc.

But I also have grandparents who will babysit at moment’s notice to give other half and I some "us" time…  I have a dear brother that listen to my meltdowns (and believe me, it happens quiet often), I have friends that will just call and offer help when I least expect it...

So behind this seemingly well-running family on the surface, there are family and friends behind helping us keep afloat.

Tegan on the other hand is doing it almost all by herself…  She is wonderful with her children and I can honestly say that not even once have I heard her raise her voice against her kids. But don’t be fooled by this! She can be fierce when it’s about defending the ones that she loves the most. She is brave, loving, caring, and perseverant… She is a stay-at-home mom, but for me she has the best job in the world! She never gets a raise for this and often, does not get the recognition she deserves, so I believe that she is the one that should be admired…