I turned 30 last January and since then, I have been taking time to focus on what is most important in my life at this stage and to sort through/ eliminate what is not. Over the last year, I’ve experienced some soul-shaking, deep change. Change is always an ongoing process, but as I look back I can see the ones that are now definite. My values have changed. My habits are changing. What I need is still relatively the same but I can just see those needs clearer. My wants (the true and deep ones) are coming into focus, too.
I’m a Christian. So there you have it… Most of the people who know me knew about this part of me but for the others that didn’t it is sometimes hard for them to understand and my behaviour in my past didn't help...
So this is my official coming out…
I want this blog to represent me, and to do so I need to be honest and take responsibility for ALL that I am…So today, this post is as a challenge to myself.
A challenge - to show the real me. A challenge - to change and become as day passes a better person, a better mom, a better wife, a better friend.
A challenge - to be truly honest with myself. A challenge - to stop hiding a part of me another minute longer.
Why didn’t I do this before? Simply, because I didn’t know better. I didn’t know that there was already someone loving me unconditionally, that this person was the Lord. I’ve suffered enough. All the loneliness, the pain, the eating disorder, and the anger… I tried compensating by doing drugs and having a promiscuous life. I ‘m not proud of it, I wish I could erase it all but I can’t. But I know one thing; turning to God has changes my life and most probably has saved it too. I forgave myself for the mistakes I had done and learned to be happy and not be driven to go to dark places. Other Half and my kids are also a big part of this shift in my life. It’s been a long journey but I’m finally starting to feel at peace and simply content and happy…
By reading these few paragraphs, many will be thinking: “Wow, Church has found a good candidate here to brainwash!” A lot of non-believers think that Christians only believe in God because they are scared to spend eternity in hell. They’ll think that Church uses the weaknesses in people and hell as real scare tactics to gain more followers.
While I am sure that there are some churches and individuals who use these methods as a scare tactic, I very much disagree with this way of thinking.
Do I believe in hell? Oh yes. But I have no idea what it’ll be like aside from the fact that it is a place void of God, and where spirit are eternally tormented AND THAT IS THE #1 reason I do not want to be in hell.
I believe in God because, with Him, there is a hope, there is a true promise of happiness. And so because I believe in hell, I also believe in heaven – and there is where I want to be when my life on earth is over…I want to go there because I love God and I want to be close to Him, and never feel pain ever again… Of course there are other reason, I want to be amongst other Christians, people I read of, people who managed to changed so many lives and inspire people to be happy and enjoy life at the fullest. I want to experience being with people fully at peace and be one of them.
There have been a few instances in my life where I really believe that I have been in the presence of God, and there is nothing like it. Never have I felt so humbled, so inadequate, yet so LOVED. All my sins washed away and forgiven. Filled with such emotions that my body automatically gives out from under me; where I kneel and bow. These very moments were the moments where I felt safe and comforted. Do I know that I will go to heaven? Yes. I am confident that I will go to heaven. And I am not being arrogant or presumptuous here — I know that God loves me, sent His only Son to die on the cross for me, that by His grace I am saved, and that I will enter heaven when my life on earth is over.
I am not afraid to die.The only fear I have about the afterlife is that my loved ones will not be in heaven with me. And this is the reason I’m putting my faith out there and try to share my secret to happiness and peace, especially to those who are important in my life. Because I cannot imagine spending the next life without my children, my Other Half, my family and my dearest friends.
I know that many will read this and think that I am completely delusional. It’s OK. All I know is that I am confident in my faith, and that I want to share my faith with others because I want them to experience this same joy. And yes, I am trying to raise my children in the same faith and although my Other Half doesn’t share my Faith, I am thankful to him for keeping an open mind.
I pray that by raising my kids with my faith, that they will grow to love Christ just as I doMy pastor once said that as a Christian parent it is my 1st jobs to make sure that his children will never know a day when they did not feel loved by God. And that is precisely what I hope to do.
I want my children to know that no matter what they do, no watter who they become, they are already loved and hopefully, they won’t experience the same pain I went through before finding peace in the Lord…Thank you for reading…
PS: I took off the option to post a comment on this post because as much as I receive kind notes I also unfortunately receive some that are nasty when it comes to my faith. I accept the people who don’t believe in God as it is not my place to judge, but I ask that you don’t judge me either and if my blog post are so difficult for you to read, you have the choice not to visit anymore… But anyway, I hope you find happiness wherever it is for you…
