I speak to her almost every day. She is a part of my heart and soul, and I need to hear her voice almost as much as I need to breathe. (yeah I know I would have never said that when I was a teen)
But mostly? She kicks my butt. (Sure, it might not be that big a target anymore, but she finds the bullseye every time.)
Mom called the other day when I was wallowing in my sorrows. (Note to everyone- don't cry to someone who has walked a MUCH HARDER ROAD than you. They really have no pity.) I just maybe started to cry a little as I outlined what I felt was an insurmountable hurdle.
"Are you crying?!" she asked. "Stop your crying RIGHT NOW!! You have come too far to let this little thing stand in your way. Are you kidding me? This is nothing," she said.
She's right.
I'm a whining wimp.
I sat in the silence of my living room after our discussion, and I realized something:
I am incredibly lucky.
I have an amazing home. Sure, the basement fills with water; the walls need some serious painting, My 3 year-old swears it's haunted, but I am in love with it. It has wrapped me in its arms and made me feel safer than I have felt in a long, long time.
I have 2 loving kids kids. They sometimes fight; they leave evidence of their existence all over the house; they ignore my numerous to-do lists; they eat food (for God's sake); they talk back and they make me feel human again. They are the fix that I can't ever get enough of- as painful as they are sometimes, they are also the best things that ever happened to me.
I am on a journey that has no clear course- but I'm ready.
And to my mom? I thank you.
I thank you for supporting me, for loving me, for laughing with me, for reminding me of what is right, and for kicking my ass.
Even if it IS a size 0. (*insert cough here*)
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