I married my best friend...

I always knew that on that day, my life would never be the same.  However, I would have never imagined that my life-changing moment would happen with the help of an internet dating website almost 9 years ago.  Despite living alone out of a few suitcases, with a horrible job, and not having many friends, I somehow found my Other Half.

Years ago I would have been embarrassed to tell anyone how I met my Other Half, back when meeting someone online was deemed to be taboo or too risky, and merely for the eccentric internet user.  But I have no regrets meeting him in person on a whim. Even though I was planning it to be a "temporary" thing, I took a chance.  I figured my chance was lost when he ended our first date with a kiss on the cheek, but with a stroke of luck, all the odds were in my favor, and another date followed.  Turns out, he was just a geeky gentleman.

Like the Jason Mraz song, I fell in love with my best friend. Lately, I have realized that many of my friends are struggling, some of their relationships or marriages are falling apart, so I often find difficult to answer to one question: "How come you guys are still so much in love?"

 

 

I met my Other Half when I was 21. It wasn’t love at first sight, but talking to him was so easy that somehow I felt attracted to him. We started dating, and curiosity and lust gradually turned into love. A deep and committed love. The kind of love that I witnessed as a child, growing with parents whom, after more than 40 years of marriage, are still in love.

When he asked me to marry him, I said yes, but quickly got cold feet. I needed time – I was only 25– I was way too young. What if he wasn’t Mr. Right? Can we take a year off? I begged, and he, wisely, said no.

Five years later, I have a crystal clear image of myself, in the dark, sitting in the living room, and thinking, trying to make a decision. When suddenly, I knew what I needed to do. I closed my eyes and imagined my life without him. Packing up, renting a new apartment, with a baby in my arm. Going about my daily life without him. Preparing and eating meals with only my son, shopping, going on trips or going out at night when Arthur would be with his dad, doing things without my Other Half included.

I couldn’t imagine it. It felt so empty, so meaningless. Even the promise of new experiences, of meeting new men and dating again and "making the most of my freedom" did not feel so exciting anymore. Leaving him would be like giving up a part of me – a big part of me. He was the one – and I wasn’t going to turn him into "the one I let go".

So I married him, at the age of 25. He was 35. We’ve been together ever since, raising two children, building a life, deepening our commitment and our friendship, keeping the lust, and – most importantly – laughing and having fun together. We make each other laugh, we make each other think. We have a ton of respect for each other. He’s my best friend and I think I am his, and the gender differences make it all the more interesting.

When people ask me, "What’s your secret? 9 years together, 5 years of marriage, 2 kids, and you guys still look very much in love?" I tell them that yes, we are very happy together, but I’m not sure if I can share any secrets or give any tips. A lot of it is luck, after all.

Or maybe not? I made a conscious decision NOT to let him go. And throughout the years, we have made repeated decisions to keep investing in the relationship, to keep it alive, to work at it, to keep ourselves interesting, and as attractive as age permits – for one another. I try not to push his buttons and him mine.

Will our marriage last forever? I hope so. As I have seen too many of my friends separating or cheating on their partner, I’ll never be able to believe in "happily ever after" the way I used to. But for the past nine years, and for the foreseeable future, I am so very grateful to be in love with my best friend.

Happy Anniversary my Other Half! I love you… Always….