Elevators...

I work in a very big building, which means that the elevators are always full… And this is what happened today:

I literally had to jump off of the elevator so I didn’t end up taking an unnecessary ride with some idiot who doesn't have common sense.

So with no further due here is the "Common sense etiquette for taking the elevator": 

1.       Elevator doors open.

2.       Stop.

3.       Pause.

4.       Wait for person(s) to exit.

5.       Enter.

It drives me insane to see people jumping in the elevator without thinking that actually some people would like to get out first. They are jumping in it like it would be the last flight to heaven!!!  

OK, I’ll admit it, I hadn’t had my coffee when it happened…

While writing this post I remembered  a text I read called "Fun Things To Do in an Elevator"

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.

3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

4. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

5. Crack open your briefcase or purse and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?"

6. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

7. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

8. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

9. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

10. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

11. When at least 8 people have gotten on, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"

12. Meow occassionally.

13. Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "Oops!"

14. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

15. Stare at another passenger for a while then announce, "You're one of THEM" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

16. Start a sing-along.

17. Say "Ding" at each floor.

18. Lean against the button panel.

19. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

20. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

21. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

22. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

23. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."

24. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."