I think I’m having a "mid-life crisis"…

Yes I know I’m only 30!!!

My mid life crisis isn't manifesting itself as a shiny new Porsch  (only guys do that anyway, right?), or a new makeover. I'm only embracing one classic symptom of the standard mid-life crisis:

What the "eff" am I still doing at this job?

I hate this job! I kind of like some of the stuff I do. I don't hate my co-workers but I feel stressed and miserable here. I'm just here. Most of the time my workload is minimal, and I do a lot non-work related stuff for my Boss’ wife most days. I actually have many responsibilities; I'm just "that good" at what I do. I'm fast, efficient and thorough. Every time I got hired, the jobs have turned into much more than I was hired for. I’m tired of all this lateral move…

I'm bored. I'm uninspired and I want to do something worthwhile.

I want to spend more time with my kids. I miss them. I also want them to see their mommy working at something she enjoys instead of something she has to do because this really not the example I want to set for them.  I want them to see me doing something I'm really interested in, or at best, passionate about it.

I know this is the life most of us have to live. We need our paychecks, and with our new house, I certainly need mine.

All my life I’ve found excuses not to dare more… I don't make the changes because it will cost money to take the extra classes I'll need. Or I can't go to school and work at the same time, and I need to work.

And lately what has been going in my mind is: IT’s FUCKING SCARY! It's scary to put myself out there!!!  It's especially scary when aiming at more senior position. I know I'm good at what I do now. I want to be good at what I want to do. I’m not certain I will be and that scares me. I like to be great at what I do. It helps my self esteem.

We spent a long time putting a lot on hold to buy our house. It took a lot to find the perfect place and sell our previous home. A lot of time, a lot of money and a lot of our energy went towards that. I could never consider a career change during that time period. The only priority was to make our family comfortable and leaving in an area where we would like to see them grow…

Now we have house, and it’s fabulous. And it's time for me to stop making excuses and give it a shot.

I’m taking a day off tomorrow to continue the my interviews, let’s hope my face doesn’t meet the floor like the last time J

Wish me luck, I’ll need it...